Money conflicts are pretty common in relationships. If they proceed until marriage, they may become a prime reason for divorce. This is why it is essential to resolve them while dating. A couple should always discuss money matters while seeking compatibility and finding a financial ground. A couple thrives when they share, therefore if you are in a relationship where you spend more on your boyfriend than he does on you, you are not overreacting, and you should talk to him about it.
Importance Of Money When Dating
When a couple is in a healthy relationship, money becomes a serious issue too. It determines what you do for fun, what you eat, what you buy for each other, and how/where you live. Money becomes a deciding factor in all decisions you make as a couple. Some boyfriends do not mind spending their paychecks on their girlfriends, while others are more frugal.
Before you make any rash decision concerning your relationship, you need to know that there are two types of individuals in the world: spenders and savers. Some people live for the moment while others want to stash their money in the bank account for rainy days. There are also those people who don’t like spending on their girlfriends. Therefore, you should determine where your boyfriend lies.
Understanding Your Money Values And Their Origin
During our childhood, we form our attitudes towards money. As a couple, if you think about why you feel the way you do about spending, you will create an understanding between the two of you. Things such as holidays and buying gifts may be a way to show partners that they are loved and you want to take care of them because that is their reward. However, the other person may think that staying at home and enjoying a homemade meal together is better than spending money on dinner dates. Therefore, they will feel more comfortable with such an arrangement, and over time you will find that you are spending more on your boyfriend than he does on you because your way of showing love is through gifting and spending on them.
It is essential to be careful with money in a relationship because your boyfriend may not be earning as much as you, or they may be having more expenses and bills. Pressuring your boyfriend to spend more on you in such a scenario might make them feel inferior, which could also be harmful. It will help if you avoid making your boyfriend feel lesser when they are not contributing as much. Before you ask your boyfriend why they don’t spend much on you, consider that they may not have enough money to spend, or maybe your spending habits are unsustainable, and your boyfriend is helping you rein it in.
Being Truthful About Your Financial Stance
As your relationship gets more serious, money issues become trickier. The differences in how you spend money become more evident and problematic, and when you begin to argue or even lie about money, the trust may erode pretty fast. That is why a couple must be honest about their financial status and values at the beginning of the relationship. For instance, you may start by not spending beyond what you can afford when dating to impress your boyfriend.
Many times, relationships start where a partner is more generous than the other. It can be tough to undo what has already been done as the relationship progresses. If a couple has money value differences, they may need pre-relationship counseling before hitting milestones such as living together or getting married.
How You Can Meet In The Middle
You may try convincing your boyfriend that they need to loosen up a bit, but you must compromise if you want to succeed as a couple with different spending habits. If you feel like you are buying your partner more expensive gifts than he is spending on you, you can spend a little less on his gifts, so you stop feeling any deceit. If you take your boyfriend out for expensive dinner dates while he only buys you street food, you can also meet him in the middle by taking him to a less expensive restaurant or buying street food as he does with you. This way, you will not feel like spending too much on him while he isn’t.
If the relationship is at a point where you have started arguing about your spending habits, you should sit down together regularly and discuss your money goals. Develop a budget that you are comfortable with, which will help keep the spending fights at bay. Let your boyfriend know what you want and need and why it’s crucial to get those things. That will give him a little background of why some things are essential to you, so they do not just make assumptions.
What To Do If He Is Avoiding The Money Discussion
The reason why you and your boyfriend are together is that you are compatible in many ways, whether it’s watching movies, walking the dog, or art. However, if you have varying attitudes and habits regarding money, your relationship may get strained. Finding a way to discuss money and finances is essential, although it may be an emotional issue for some people. No matter how hard it is, it would be best if you addressed such tricky conversations because any decision may affect you both financially. Talking about spending can be incredibly frustrating for a couple because some people may not be comfortable discussing how they make or spend their money with others. Nonetheless, you can ease the frustration by following these tips:
Making It Easy For Your Boyfriend– if your boyfriend feels budgeting is quite complicated for him and is worried, he may be unable to stick to it, you may find it hard to sell him the idea. You can come up with a basic budget covering all the main expenses, including mortgage, food, rent, etc. Then, talk about how you want to spend the rest of the money. You should include some of the things that you and your partner like, such as gifts. This is important if you have already started living together and are sharing some of the bills. That way, you will have your needs and wants to be fulfilled by your boyfriend. Show him that budgeting can allow you to get the things you enjoy.
Put Any Discretionary Spending Money Into Cash– it’s essential to put it into cash so that you will not have to be nagged about it when it is gone.
Avoid The Blame Game- when you start the money talk with your boyfriend, let him know that it is not about who is good or bad with spending but how you can achieve your goals and stay happy. It’s easy for your boyfriend to feel judged if you nag him about his spending habits, leading to defensiveness. Eventually, he will not want to talk about spending issues with you to avoid feeling judged.
Warning Signs You Must Watch Out For When Dating
As much as it is essential to talk about spending with your boyfriend so you can let him know about the things you want and need, your boyfriend may be stingy and not want to spend on you. You can avoid anguish in your relationship by watching out for the following warning signs.
Refusing to split money during dates- if your boyfriend does not want to share the expenses and only wants you to pay for the outings every time, take it as a sign of misery to come. Perhaps he is not serious about your relationship, or he only wants you to support him financially for the rest of his life. Boyfriends who are unwilling to split money do not respect their girlfriend’s commitment and money, although it may also point at him not earning too well. He may also be a freeloader who is not planning to invest in the relationship. If this persists for long, it may be a good idea to move on.
Lying about money-lying about money matters is a form of financial infidelity that can destroy your relationship. If your boyfriend lies to you about his money, how he makes it or how much he earns so that he doesn’t spend on you, you may want to rethink the relationship because you will end up getting hurt.
Refusing to talk about finances- if your boyfriend refuses to discuss finances even after you have asked him about the topic for long, this can be a big red flag you need to keep your eyes peeled for. A relationship that’s been going on for too long should be open about financial issues. Any unwillingness to talk about money and spending after a few years of dating is a huge warning sign. He may not want to discuss it because he doesn’t want to spend it on you even when it is vital for you.
Spending more money on your boyfriend than he does on you is normal but a red flag if it persists after a few years of dating. A boyfriend should be willing to spend money on you if he is earning enough. It’s normal to expect the same treatment you give your boyfriend; therefore, it’s his duty to reciprocate now and then so that you don’t feel any deceit.